CREATING COMMUNITY FOR THE SECOND HALF OF LIFE
(notes from the delightful meeting at Grace Episcopal Church)
14 January 2007
BUSINESS: Marianne Kilkenny started the meeting a little after 4pm.
• 11 folks were at the introductory meeting that began at 2:30 to view a DVD on co-housing, among other activities.
• Naming this group from the names generated in Dec. (Sunday Group, What’s Next Group, Umbrella Group, Sunday Network, Asheville Co-Housing, Sunday Asheville Cohousing, Aging in Community in Asheville (AICA), Community of Communities, others?), Marianne urged people to vote by putting a sticker by their favorite name. NO CLEAR WINNER. DISCUSS NEXT MEETING, please come prepared to decide!
• Marianne shared her graphic of the process of creating community with various inputs as well as what comes from the process. How the Introductory meetings feed into the Sunday meetings and onto sites and other group formation and then comes back to the Sunday group for social and educational aspects. Need to see it!
• “AVL Happenings, Jan. ’07: Sites/Tours/Meetings” handout was distributed.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
• Altura core group faces an unanticipated issue in the proposed Progress Energy peak power plant to be built a mile away from the Altura site. Although this seems to be a done deal, public comment is being taken during the work session of the Buncombe County Commissioner's meeting which begins at 4 p.m. Citizens must sign up for public comment prior to 4:10 p.m. and are limited to 3 minutes. Commission Meetings are held in the County Courthouse at 60 Court Plaza (Room 204) in downtown Asheville.
• Alex Mawhinney updated the news about sites under consideration in East and in West AVL will be updated Friday. The Flat Rock and Artisan Park sites are moving forward.
• The SIG (Special Interest Group) on Creating Community for the Second Half of Life meets this Tuesday at 5pm at the Reuter Center on the UNCA campus. Neal Evans is presenting.
• Marge Baird has a condo for sale in E. AVL.
• For details on the upcoming conference on Women in Community, from Dreaming to Doing at the Center for Creative Retirement at UNCA on July 28 and 29 at the Center, see Marianne Kilkenny for more details
• Gratitude for all those who have helped make this meeting successful. Thank you (and applause) to the help teams that created a lovely setting for this meeting/potluck. There are other teams that could use some volunteers, especially publicity. Sign up or see Marianne. Leads for the groups and all groups were identified by Marianne and also Alex for finding this location for our meetings. Great space!!
• NOTE: Although there is no fee for using the new meeting space as long as we set up and take down the room at Grace Episcopal, donations are requested to support our good relations with the church. Donations toward supplies, drinks and meeting needs are also appreciated.
PROGRAM: Ken Cameron-Bell introduced the program. Among the topics on the lists of what people in the group wanted to explore, hearing from some people who have lived in co-housing was #1. The topic coming in at #2 was sustainability and living green, what is it, do we agree?which will be presented at our next meeting. (NOTE: anyone with suggestions as to speakers should please contact Ken or another member of his team.)
•Ken introduced the panel members:
Richard Tomaskovic- formerly of Westwood,
Sarah Davis - currently at Westwood
Monica Appleby – from ElderSpirit in Abington, VA
Bill and Mariana Bailey - formerly of Westwood. Each speaker was given 3 minutes to share something about their involvement with co-housing, to be followed by Q & A.
- Richard: 80% who have moved into Westwood have stayed and in that regard, so many ex-Westwood residents on the panel does not fairly represent it. Richard was a renter there for a year and thus didn’t participate fully in the venture (didn’t go to meetings, for example). He did, however, enjoy the communal dining & work projects on the grounds. He had questions at the time about whether the workload was shared equitably, though for those unable to work as much as others, they can contribute cash toward projects. It was an intriguing enough experience that he has retained an interest in living in community. Different if he had started at the beginning of the development.
- Sarah: Her relationship with Westwood came about at a time that she was going through divorce, a time when she was looking for a supportive environment. So, the timing was right to get involved with Westwood. Everyone who gets involved with cohousing has certain dreams/expectations, many of which will not be met. Yet, other possibilities emerge for those who stick with it. Sarah’s was the first family there with children; she moved there when her son was 12. The experience quickly became one of an extended family, including a surprise, rites-of-passage birthday dinner for her son when he turned 13. In Sarah’s experience, you must constantly adapt when living in co-housing and continually reflect on who you are and how you behave.
- Monica: She has a background that included living in religious community, housing where children were raised, and has had experience with other coops. She likes being in on the ground floor of things. Currently at ElderSpirit in Abington, she’s on the landscape committee and the chair of the community garden, part of a meditation group and a bridge group. In community living there are a lot of “pick-up” events; e.g., recently on the same day, there was a house blessing, a memorial service for a community member . There are tensions. We developed a “clearinghouse committee” for use when problems arise in community.You have to love meetings. You can always get caught up in ad hoc groups form to resolve problems, sharing a concern, participating in brainstorming solutions, and following through. “It makes for interesting living.” Monica noted that at ElderSpirit, the youngest member is 62 and most are in their 70’s. Of course, members’ children and grandchildren are always welcome, so ages of people on property can vary.
- Bill: When Bill first came to Westwood, he was recovering his health and first met Sarah because she is a Physician’s Assistant who helped with his recovery. Bill recounted how good it was to have a sort of open door policy where people would come by to visit and wanted to. Bill and Mariana were on the planning committee for Westwood even from Chicago before moving to Asheville. In his opinion, the most important thing in cohousing is how decisions are made. It’s always important to find “a third” person or position to arbitrate inevitable disagreements.
- Mariana: Mariana noted that she and Bill lived in Chicago when they started designing Westwood. Although much of the planning turned out well, she noted they did miscalculate how much space they would need when Bill retired and spent more time around the house. After living at Westwood for 2 ½ years, they decided to move out in part because the meetings at Westwood prevented them from becoming as involved in the other Asheville community that they wanted to. Still have friends there and go back to visit.
• A question and answer period followed:
- How was site-selection done? Mariana noted that for Westwood, the developer already had the site, so other possibilities were not explored. Monica said that in Abington, a committee explored alternative sites, but since many in the group were from Abington -- and Abington was an interesting place, it became the focus. A year later, land was found in a traditionally black community that was consistent with their community goals. Bill noted that when a group searches for land or talks with a developer, it must develop the same sort of list of desires and deal-breakers that an individual looking to buy would bring to a realtor.
- Did you have a vision statement, was it helpful and how was it developed? Mariana noted that Westwood had something of a vision statement, but it was initially written in very broad and simple terms. This was inevitably refined and detailed through a lot of meetings. Sarah chimed in, noting that vision statements have to evolve. In fact, Westwood just rewrote it vision statement as a list of shared principles that have clearly changed over time. Since one principle is to value everyone’s ideas and each new person will bring new ideas to the group, evolution is inevitable. Monica added that at ElderSpirit, one of their principles is “goodness of fit,” and she shared copies of the questionnaire that ElderSpirit uses to assess “goodness of fit” for new applicants. Currently they have 40 people in 25 units.
- What has been set in place at ElderSpirit for how the community ages? Monica reported that they have independent living, so no special certification is necessary. There is a care committee to provide some home health care and a family or an individual can hire a younger live-in if round-the-clock care is needed.
- What about gender balance in communities? Bill noted that the principle of equality dictates gender balance at Westwood. Sarah added that everyone is always encouraged to speak so that all are heard. Bill observed that men and women worked as equals without hierarchy. At ElderSpirit, Monica pointed out, demographics have made women the majority. The men in the community (mostly in couples) have formed a men’s group that in ways ensures that they are also heard.
- How does the budget process work? Sarah said that since Westwood was organized into teams and each team was allocated a budget, that this largely structured yearly budget discussions there.
- What surprised you the most about living in community and what would you do differently with hindsight? Richard: The strength and pervasiveness of personalities surprised him most, noting that the process of living in community has the effect of smoothing off rough edges. What he’d do differently? He’s get more involved. Monica: Not many people sign up to help with things you really care about (like gardening for her)! Do differently? Have the construction finished before you move in. Living amid construction is stressful on many levels. Bill: The unintended consequences of words spoken in passing and of collective decision-making. He gave the example of the initial decision for public paths to be of rocks, but not all can walk on this surface. Do differently? Have a check-off list from the builders so all could keep up. Mariana: That younger people don’t want to take care of older folks and may be quite blunt about that. From the beginning, that ought to be some better way to balance effort in the teams. When elders travel, it leaves holes in teams. Sarah: How long it takes to make decisions and how incidental comments have ramifications. Do differently? Design more personal space and privacy into individual living units.
Thanks to Chas Jansen for taking these wonderful notes, and it was his first meeting, with a little editing from Marianne.
Potluck followed in our new digs with great food, drink and company. Festive snow theme with tablecloths, centerpieces and lively conversation.